Pinoy sa Japan Series (3): The "Asawa ng Hapon"

(It has been a long time that I have not updated this blog. Things just came one after another after summer. It seemed that I was immediately showered with things to do by the 1st of September. Anyway, I love being busy!)



Third in the series of our Pinoy sa Japan. And this time, it's the famous, "Asawa ng Hapon".



I was actually happy to have seen this drama in YouTube that featured this Rochelle and this Japanese actor (in the Philippines) named Tai. Rochelle was this usual probinsyana who had to go to Japan to help her family, finally met Tai, and decided to have their wedding in the Philippines. But Tai discovers that Rochelle's mother has organized a super-grand wedding, with a brass band and everybody in the barrio as guests. Then comes the brother of Rochelle, asking for more money because he used the rest for "sabong"... yes... the typical family of an OFW... feeling saved by a Japanese!



Japan has a culture of having the wife stay at home to manage the usual affairs of the home. That also means that the husband hands every yen of his salary to his wife and the budget would be her domain... much the same as the Philippines. But I have already known a lot of Filipina wives who live the opposite. They do not get any single yen of their husband's salary. They are the ones who have to ask for their regular allowance, shopping, grocery, rent, electricity, water, gas, and anything that has to be paid. Some Japanese husbands reason out that their Filipina wives cannot read kanji, so they really do not know how to go about payments. Yet, I suspect the underlying reason there is that the Filipina wife sends quite an amount to her own family in the Philippines. It's common in Japan that you don't help your own parents once you are on your own. (I even know a friend who still lives with his parents but never contributes for anything!) So, of course the Japanese husband gets angry. He knows his wife comes from a poor family... but he also knows that it is not supposed to be the usual thing.



And so, many Filipina wives, especially when their kids have stepped into elementary school, take pains in doing part time jobs during the day. Some even continue their night jobs at the pubs! The money is not really for themselves. Almost all are sent to their own families.



This is a very good example of the difficulties of international marriage. The Japanese man feels "fulfilled" that he has finally found a woman he can call his wife (perhaps because he has never been good with Japanese women?). The Filipina also feels happy that finally she can stay in Japan for good (without any need of renewing her visa). At the back of her mind is the continuing worry on how to continue the very reason she came to Japan ... her family! The Filipina becomes the never-ending messenger of her family to ask financial assistance to her husband. The Japanese gets fed up never expecting that he has become a "bank" for his wife's family.



In this classic example, there are lessons to be learned... and I, personally, feel the need to be more and more persistent in cautioning the other Filipinas who might end up in the same dilemma:

1) have both parties undergo a thorough cultural exchange of ideas about family, love, sex, affection, roles, and the like

2) have both parties learn the language of the spouse

3) have the Filipina be clear of her intention... in Japan, it's one's OWN family now, rather than the family you come from

4) have the Japanese be more informed of the family situation of his future Filipina wife

5) have the a third party (preferably a Japanese speaking Filipino missionary) to prepare them



Any ideas that the readers here may add?



The photo is the latest one of the Philippine missionaries here in Japan, taken during our annual gathering last May 2008, with the ECMI in-charge of the CBCP, Bishop Cantillas!