Pinoy sa Japan Series (3): The "Asawa ng Hapon"

(It has been a long time that I have not updated this blog. Things just came one after another after summer. It seemed that I was immediately showered with things to do by the 1st of September. Anyway, I love being busy!)



Third in the series of our Pinoy sa Japan. And this time, it's the famous, "Asawa ng Hapon".



I was actually happy to have seen this drama in YouTube that featured this Rochelle and this Japanese actor (in the Philippines) named Tai. Rochelle was this usual probinsyana who had to go to Japan to help her family, finally met Tai, and decided to have their wedding in the Philippines. But Tai discovers that Rochelle's mother has organized a super-grand wedding, with a brass band and everybody in the barrio as guests. Then comes the brother of Rochelle, asking for more money because he used the rest for "sabong"... yes... the typical family of an OFW... feeling saved by a Japanese!



Japan has a culture of having the wife stay at home to manage the usual affairs of the home. That also means that the husband hands every yen of his salary to his wife and the budget would be her domain... much the same as the Philippines. But I have already known a lot of Filipina wives who live the opposite. They do not get any single yen of their husband's salary. They are the ones who have to ask for their regular allowance, shopping, grocery, rent, electricity, water, gas, and anything that has to be paid. Some Japanese husbands reason out that their Filipina wives cannot read kanji, so they really do not know how to go about payments. Yet, I suspect the underlying reason there is that the Filipina wife sends quite an amount to her own family in the Philippines. It's common in Japan that you don't help your own parents once you are on your own. (I even know a friend who still lives with his parents but never contributes for anything!) So, of course the Japanese husband gets angry. He knows his wife comes from a poor family... but he also knows that it is not supposed to be the usual thing.



And so, many Filipina wives, especially when their kids have stepped into elementary school, take pains in doing part time jobs during the day. Some even continue their night jobs at the pubs! The money is not really for themselves. Almost all are sent to their own families.



This is a very good example of the difficulties of international marriage. The Japanese man feels "fulfilled" that he has finally found a woman he can call his wife (perhaps because he has never been good with Japanese women?). The Filipina also feels happy that finally she can stay in Japan for good (without any need of renewing her visa). At the back of her mind is the continuing worry on how to continue the very reason she came to Japan ... her family! The Filipina becomes the never-ending messenger of her family to ask financial assistance to her husband. The Japanese gets fed up never expecting that he has become a "bank" for his wife's family.



In this classic example, there are lessons to be learned... and I, personally, feel the need to be more and more persistent in cautioning the other Filipinas who might end up in the same dilemma:

1) have both parties undergo a thorough cultural exchange of ideas about family, love, sex, affection, roles, and the like

2) have both parties learn the language of the spouse

3) have the Filipina be clear of her intention... in Japan, it's one's OWN family now, rather than the family you come from

4) have the Japanese be more informed of the family situation of his future Filipina wife

5) have the a third party (preferably a Japanese speaking Filipino missionary) to prepare them



Any ideas that the readers here may add?



The photo is the latest one of the Philippine missionaries here in Japan, taken during our annual gathering last May 2008, with the ECMI in-charge of the CBCP, Bishop Cantillas!

Pinoy sa Japan Series (1)

A very good friend recommended to me Pinoy Channel TV. Though I am not very sure whether there is any legal thing involved in uploading some TV shows and videos from the Philippines to this website, I am very glad to see some shows that update me of certain things about my own country and its people.

One of my favorite shows (and finally I am able to see it more on this website!) is Reporter's Notebook. The topic last night was even more interesting: Sex Trafficking.

I remember those years when I was asked to say masses, hear confessions or just join the Block Rosaries of Filipinas in Tokyo. I get lots and lots of stories about their plight. For August, I would like to devote a series of blogs about the Filipinos here in Japan, starting with those who were "trafficked".

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I was just in my second year in Japan when I was asked to substitute a Filipina sister to accompany and teach catechism to Filipinas of Kasai Church in their Saturday Block Rosary. This was going to be a 6-month stint wherein I would have to travel from the western part of Tokyo-to to the easternmost side every week. A long trip it was, but I did enjoy every week of it! After reciting the thanksgiving prayer at the home of a Filipina before taking the statue of the Virgin Mary to another house, I would teach some trivia facts about our faith or even animate them into sharing... sort of like a Bible-sharing at the same time. They would share about their present experiences as wives of Japanese, or even open up past experiences of being "trafficked" into Japan. Once, I was at the home of a recently married Filipina -- tall and slender, and you could even mistake her to be a contestant for Ms. Philippines. She's lucky to have married a very kind and courteous Japanese, just some years her senior. But she was quick to relate to us that years before, she entered Japan at the age of 13! Physically, she was already mature enough to have her passport altered and put her age at 18. She worked in pubs. She had customers, for sure.

Another time, we were at the apartment of a 22 year old dark, shy girl from Mindanao. Inside, her husband was watching TV when we arrived. Her husband at that time was already 72... and he was taking care of their baby! You'll really wonder how this man was able to discover a girl from the provinces. Well, try it... you can even search for "Filipina" in Google!

A lot of Filipinas who walk around in Japan (whether in Tokyo, or even here in provincial Shizuoka) dress themselves up in sexy, body-fit clothes. You don't need to imagine especially in summer! The smaller, the better it seems for them! They dress up like that because they got used to doing so. These are the very things they wear in the clubs. The best after this category are gowns. The worst -- as what they wear during summer nights at the pubs -- would be a two-piece string bikini. No wonder they wear revealing tops or short skirts even in church... they have no other repertoire inside their cabinets!

Once, in Akabane, I was asked to bless the store of a Filipina. She was selling some Filipino goods -- food, toiletries and beauty products -- as well as gowns that the girls can wear in the clubs. It so happened that there some Pinays who were there. It was late afternooon, and they were invited for the blessing and party, so that they could eat before their time-in and dress-up at 5:30. People who know me understand that I joke a lot. And one of the girls wanted to get even with my jokes by saying, "Ang kulit ng paring ito ha... ano?... tsu**** ko na kaya!" (This priest jokes a lot, I better just give him some h**d). I was quite shocked by what she said, honestly. This Pinay seems to have lost all form of delicadeza even for a priest.

This is the sad part of the Filipinas here in Japan. I am very sure that most of them -- especially those who come from far-flung provinces -- were all as gentle as Maria Clara before they arrived in Japan. The conditions of work made them strong women, perhaps, in some way, in a negative sense. The work that they were forced to do removed what was left of any respect for themselves... and perhaps also for others! Any sense of decency seems to have been removed from them. Any sensitivity with their words, actions and decorum have all been erased. No wonder, for those who can go back to the Philippines for vacation, they look as if they were going to dance at the middle of the baggage claim section with their attire. Inside or outside the pub, there seems to be no difference anymore.

Sad, isn't it? And this is what I also tell the Japanese when I have the chance to talk about Pinays in Japan. I always tell them that they would never have come to Japan in the first place had there not been any need for them. It was the Japanese themselves who put up all these places of "fun"... and to staff them with Japanese would compel them to pay them high salaries. Cheap labor? Get the Southeast Asians, so they thought. Get the countries whose desperation for survival is obvious. So they got the Filipinas in the 80's. Uncommitted sex? Get foreigners, so they thought... so that they do not have any gall to run after them because of their language inadequacy.

Here in Japan, many Filipinos would say that a lot of Japanese men still like to go to pubs staffed with Pinays. They reason that it's because they are cheerful, or even when they start relationships with them, Pinays are very warm and loving. Is there any truth to that? If it is so, we also have to accept the truth of the wounds inflicted on their dignity and self-respect.

I end with a quote from a Filipina who was not yet ready to give up her relationship with a married man: "Father, I know that what I am doing is a sin. But more than my love for him, I love my family back home. If I stop going out with him, that would be tantamount to cutting my remittance into half. I do this because I love my family."

Now, who the hell taught her such values?

P.S. Make sure you're not at the office if you want to watch this:
http://www.pinoychannel.tv/watch/v-55543
http://www.pinoychannel.tv/watch/v-55546