45 LESSONS

Today I turn 45.  
And today, I look back and 
just randomly retrieve from my heart 
45 lessons I have learned through life.  
These are in random order.  
Please read them with a grain of salt, 
a pinch of humor 
and a prayer of gratitude.  

1) Show kindness and make sure someone who is pregnant lives in a relaxed and pleasant condition.  Say good words, talk to the baby inside and tell the baby we can’t wait to see him.  If not, he might not even want to be born.  

2) If you are a father, be present, be encouraging, show good example, be firm but be kind. You are needed for your child’s whole personality and values. 

3) If you are a mother, be calm.  Your voice has more decibels and is naturally high.  It does not need to be raised with panic when your child does something wrong. 

4) If you are a parent, stop bad and discouraging words when your kids say them to each other.   Even if it might sound funny and teasing, never laugh.  Stop them. 

5) Make sure your child’s godparents are truly God-fearing, have a great respect for Religion and the Church, have self-control, moderation and have good example in word and deed.  That is why they are “GODparents”.  

6) Make sure that your older kids say kind and encouraging words to their younger siblings.  They are good for forming a healthy self-esteem. 

7) Do not laugh at the mistakes of children.  It would encourage a secretive attitude.  He will hide shameful things in his life, will never admit them and will bring them to his grave.  

8) Correct anything wrong with reason and not with a loud voice. 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2606443/Why-I-stop-shouting-little-boy-This-confession-mother-three-year-old-shock-tweak-consciences.html

9) Your kids are human.  They are not robots, servants, statues or even feces. (Based on true statements!)

10) No name-calling.  No branding.  No biased adjectives that stick to a child’s way of looking at himself.   The first person who should be careful of blurting out adjectives at home should actually be the parent. 

11) Love prayer.  Love God.  Go to church.  Pray.  BUT BE CONSISTENT.  Your children have to see that what you believe and pray are worth living. 

12) Respect to those older than you is a basic thing in educating a child.  But it is not the reason for them to be at their elder’s beck and call. 

13) Never compare your kids’ performance, achievements and personalities in school or out of school. 

14) Your kids are not your source of entertainment, but your source of joy.  If they don’t want to sing or dance in front of you, even if they just feel embarrassed, don’t bribe them with rewards or make them feel guilty that you won’t love them anymore. 

15) Your kids are not measured by the grades written on their report cards. 

16) Never share your anger or disappointments to those around you, as if they also have to get angry and disappointed because you are.  Anger and disappointment… they are, indeed, contagious… and deadly, too!

17) PRAY THE ROSARY AS A FAMILY… DEVOTEDLY, CONSCIENTIOUSLY, CONSISTENTLY. 

18) PRAY BEFORE AND AFTER MEALS.  Food will always be a blessing.  

19) MORNING and EVENING PRAYERS… TOGETHER!   Prayers with a FAMILY DIMENSION make your sense of Faith more “Church”, more “communitarian” and never merely personal. 

20) Your Family Altar is not a decoration.  IT IS THE FAMILY ALTAR.  HAVE THE FAMILY GATHER THERE so that you can pray your MORNING and EVENING PRAYERS, TOGETHER. 

http://www.catholichomeandgarden.com/Why_Keep_A_Catholic_Home.htm

21) Punctuality in Church is important.  Leave early for church.  Prepare for the Mass inside the church while waiting for It to start.  Stay a bit after Mass to pray your thanksgiving.  Avoid greeting friends and relatives inside the church itself.  They’ll have their time.  PRIORITIZE JESUS first!

22) If you are a teacher, don’t air your dismay about one pupil’s low or failing test grade in front of the whole class.  That child will eventually come to hate that particular subject. 

23) If you are a school staffer, open your eyes more.  The middle and high school boys love to bully and pick on the primary school kids. 

24) If you are a school staffer, be professional.  Even if the other person in front of you is merely a primary school kid, you get part of salary from his tuition. 

25) When teaching kids a song, make sure you know the song very well… VERY, VERY WELL!

26) Trusting your kids builds their sense of responsibility and self-esteem. 

27) Never laugh at your kids’ defeat in any game, no matter how trivial it may be.   It will make him ashamed of himself and may even hate the game he lost. 

28) Make your older kids be aware and accept the reality that whatever they think, say or do, will all have a great influence on the character and/or weakness of their younger siblings. 

29) When your kids ask you things are not supposed to be fit for kids, don’t tell them, “Don’t say that!  Don’t ask that!  You’re still a kid!”  That will make him suspiciously curious and will look for the answer himself.  

30) Listen to your kids when they talk, no matter how childish it may seem.  Your child actually thinks he is saying something very important… VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.

31) Never call your kid to stand from the table during meals just to say something important or even to scold him.  Let him finish his meal first. 

32) Never wake your child from his sleep just to scold him.  Who knows, sleeping was his petty escape from the ill feeling of doing something bad.  

33) Never exaggerate your anger.  Things do not need to be damaged because you are angry. 

34) Don’t make fun of others who are serious of who they are and what they have to do.  They also have their own way of loosening up. 

35) Praise the effort, not the result.  

http://idillionaire.net/blog/page/6/

36) Your children are not your trophies.  Their achievements are commendable.  But they are not decorations that they carry later in life, especially in moments of failure.  Take note, they don’t wear their medals the day after graduation!

37) Even superiors, teachers, parents and elders have the right to apologize when they make mistakes.  Oh yes, they have to!

38) Offering one’s irritation when it’s too hot, too rainy or plainly dull weather for the Poor Souls in Purgatory is really worth it!

39) No matter how much you get away from something you don’t like or you think you don’t deserve, it will always haunt you.  Escaping from something will never be a solution.  Facing it will.  

40) If you feel bad and want to air out your grievances to your friend or relative, make sure it is not his birthday.  Don’t ruin his birthday.  It only comes ONCE A YEAR!

41) No matter how fast you type on the computer keyboard, writing with your own hand, filling a page with your handwriting is worth it!   Write about your day, EVERYDAY!

42) Be who you are.  No, not who you are as your “identity”… that is already presumed.  BE WHO YOU ARE.  If you are married, be a faithful married person.  If you are single, be an integrated single person.  If you are a priest or a religious, LET THE WORLD KNOW.  Leave the “undercover job” to the lay. 

43) To know yourself is important… not to make an array of justification for your own weaknesses, but to make use of the gifts that God has given you.

44) A regular, consistent prayer time everyday gives you a clear mind and balanced heart. 

45) Devotion to Holy Eucharist.  Devotion to Mary.  Devotion to the Pope.  Devotion to the Church.   Heaven is the goal.  If one has to deserve it, he has to work for it!

http://www.catholiclane.com/blessed-pope-john-paul-ii-and-st-don-bosco’s-dream-of-the-two-columns/st-don-boscos-two-column-dream/

Oh, there are still a lot more. 
But they are the more insistent 45 this day!
I am sure you also have 
your own set of lessons.
I look forward for more. 
But please, with the many things 
that have stressed me through the years... 
I don't think I'd even have another 45!  

BULLY

Do all people encounter being bullied from the time they become aware that they are not alone in this world?   If you can just recall the earliest feeling that you were bullied, when would that be?  Where would that be?  Who do you think did something that made you feel you were bullied?

I am thankful to God that I have a good memory.  Some people here in Japan warn me that I can actually lose this strong memory when I get old... I really don’t know.  It can be close to Alzheimer’s.  Or it can really be Alzheimer’s itself!  But before I get to that stage, before I get to that age when I would actually actuate and remember things so remote, I might as well first apologize to the people who would be taking care of me at that time, for all the burden and for all the trouble it might bring them.  I do hope that when that happens, my innocent, remote memories could bring more smiles to you and make you pray to God more and more. 

I will be turning 45 soon.  And my earliest memory was way back around the time I turned 1.  It is because I still remember the name, “Paula”, the name of our housemaid, then.  As early as that time, I knew that my brothers and sisters had to go to school.  I remember that blue Canossa school bus (whose shape is like the Neko-Bus of the Japanese Anime, “Totoro”) with a number “2” stopping in front of our house, reversing into the small alley behind it and going out of that narrow road beside our neighbor’s.  I remember that big, blue car that we had, where the front seat was long enough for me and my other brother to sit between our parents.  I remember that brown Radiowealth TV.  I remember the cool breeze coming from the ricefields nearby.  I remember the orange sofa.  I remember our stairs used to appear they were so many and so high.  

It has become common nowadays to use the word, “BULLY”.  Here in Japan, some bullied kids, as young as in primary school, have even committed suicide.  It is a word that is now familiar even in the workplace, in the neighborhood, among relatives and friends.  It is a word that makes everyone become vigilant on how to prevent it.  It is also a word that angers anybody after someone suffers badly because of it. 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/johansfoto/518499330

If I were to look back at the past 45 years, I can see that many of the hurts I still have in my heart were a product of consciously or unconsciously-done bullying.  And from these, allow me to share some lessons that we can apply in life. 

GOOD WORDS START AT HOME.  We, Filipinos, love name-calling.  We are very, very skilled in coining and inventing words to describe a certain characteristic of anybody.  But it is important that parents should start getting vigilant at what their kids say to each other.  Parents and elders should immediately stop kids when they say words that offend or make the younger ones cry.  Some words may be heavy, like “Gago” (Dumb) or “Hindi kaya” (Unable).  We may lightly call it “TUKSO” (Just teasing) or “Tinutukso ko lang naman, eh!”  But a child cannot fully grasp what is the humor behind it.  Worse, it can even pave the way for a child to walk the path of low self-esteem or no self-confidence at all.  The child would be lucky if he comes to have good friends outside the home who can actually show him that there is something great budding in him.   (That is, IF, he gets to know good people! )  We should encourage encouraging words at home, maybe even make it a home ritual!   We do not need to succumb to uneasy or corny feelings when we say affirming and supporting words.   It is at home where a child learns to be nice.  It is at home where a child first hears the good.  

LET YOUR WORDS BE YOUR ACTIONS.  I am one of the few (or many) who get to school and gets teased for acting or speaking just because I could not do “like the usual boys!”   In the seminary, they have a word for that, “SOFTIE”.  You get to hear that when Father Principal calls you to echo the remarks of the superiors after they have met to deliberate our conduct grade.  “You are soft.”  “Your way of speaking, make it more manly.”   It goes on even in our seminary years as young adults when sometimes I see somebody smurking behind me just because my inflections or actuations are not as “manly”.   And please, let us not think of this as some advocacy to justify sexual orientation or for whatever “alphabet movement” there is in society nowadays.   This is just an issue between what is “softie” and what is “manly”.   Honestly, I would get out of the office of the priest with an open sense of obedience -- that what I have heard was God’s will! -- but at the same time a silent scream of protest against some force.  I would have appreciated it if my superiors have praised my eloquence and good pronunciation.  I would have appreciated it if I was told to be more GENTLEMAN, rather than “manly”.   Come to think of it, even in the seminary, the “manly” seminarians were those who were excelling in sports.  However, if I look back, the same “manly” great players were also the same ravage eaters in the refectory (bakaw), the same beastly selfish we-can-get-away-with-it-because-we’re-not-caught people (nakakalusot), the same minimalist students in class (dinadaan sa patawa).  Now what is “manly” in that?  Jesus is a MAN.  A Male MAN.  A Manly MAN.  Don Bosco was, too.  They are the real “manly” ones.  They were gentlemen, full of love and firmness in convictions.  Their words.  Their actions.   Not their actuations!

RESPECT THE ONES BEHIND YOU.  The first Sunday that I served as a deacon was some days after our Diaconal Ordination.  It was very ironic.  The priest whom I served was someone who was ahead of me since our minor seminary days.  Even from that time, I knew he did not like me. (He did not need to like me, anyway!)  There was always something that would make him comment on my good work, say words that make others laugh at me, make faces of disbelief.  He became a Salesian. Years later, I also became one.  He is still a Salesian. I am not anymore.  I was very good friends with his classmates.  He was someone I came to dread.  Honestly, until today, I still do not like to meet him.  I still do not even like to see him in some pictures I see in Facebook!  Until now, I can still say, “He is the bully personified!”   No, I don’t despise him.  In fact, I forgive him.  But the trauma still stays.   This is a good lesson:  that there will always be someone younger than us, perhaps, someone not yet even born, who would be better than us, who would produce good ideas that can drive a community, who can be an inspiration.  They deserve respect from us, their elders in life and experience.  It is easy to distinguish a challenge from a discouragement.  It is naturally felt.  (Kudos to some of my junior companions in the seminary and former students who now serve as dedicated inspiration for me in their fidelity, convictions and deep faith!)  

APPRECIATE WHAT IS PROPER.   I remember in our minor seminary days, many of us, classmates, opted to go and visit the Blessed Sacrament after supper.  (We usually do our personal prayer in these moments.)  And so we went into the small chapel of the seminary.  This classmate of ours who led the prayer started uttering half-jokes and humurous intentions that made many laugh.  I kept my composure, thinking that I just had to keep on being serious, (because we were inside the chapel!) in respect to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.   When the prayers were finished and we got out, word came to me that this guy told the others, “Beware of plastic people, like THAT Bob!”  I just wonder what made me plastic that time.  I just did what I had to do.    This goes on until now.  You do your priestly duty well, you are the one who gets mocked.  You wear what a priest should wear, you get branded as “so 17th century!”   You wear your Roman Collar when you go out, and another priest in his casual clothes would sarcastically say, “Hey, we’re safe, we have a PRIEST among us!”    People who do what they have to do, the PROPER thing, at the PROPER time, in the PROPER place do not deserve to be bullied.  They are encouraged. 

PROPER EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE.  One beautiful thing I learned in the seminary was to keep quiet for some minutes before sleeping and look back at how the day transpired.  The Examination of Conscience before sleeping is a very important prayer and routine.  It makes you see and face the past day with a sense of courage: to face your fears, your disappointments, discouragements and sorrow, especially in those moments when you have been hurt by someone who consciously or unconsciously bullied you.  It also makes you brave enough to face and confront yourself in those moments during the day when you have been the bully yourself -- when you laughed with others at the honest mistake of someone, when you made joking but hurtful comments on the clothes or physical appearance of another, when you purposely showed force because you did not want to be dominated upon, when you said scathing words with the intent to leave a scar on that person’s heart.  The Examination of Conscience humbles you.  It makes you say sorry to God before your sleep.  It gives you hope for another day... another day, hoping that you and others would be gentle and kind to one another.  

Oh I still live with it.  I still carry the hurt in me.  It really does take time for all these to shed. I sometimes see myself confronted by these hurts when some trouble, problem, or situation stimulates me again.  I can feel some shiver traveling through my body, some floating feeling.  Then, I get awakened to the reality that I, too, have been a bully to someone for sure!

For those whom I have hurt. 
For those whom I have unconsciously bullied with ill words and arrogance. 
For those whom I may have incurred any scar in the past. 
I am very sorry. 
I have learned my lesson.  
And I still hope and pray
that I walk the path of Jesus, Himself. 

You are in my prayers!

25 YEARS

I wanted to just make it pass away.  But I can’t. 

25 years ago, on April 1st, 1990, I, made my First Profession as a Salesian of Don Bosco, making our vows of Obedience, Poverty and Chastity in front of the Lord.  We were the first ones to make it in the newly-built novitiate in Granada, Bacolod City (which is now a retreat house).   We were the first ones in Philippine Salesian History to make our vows in our polo barong, because the reception of the cassock would be done a week later.   

OK, I know.  I am technically not a Salesian anymore (… seemingly hearing SOME of them telling that to me now!)… but that day, April 1st… I consider that a very, VERY, V-E-R-Y important day!

People may joke why we had our First Profession on the 1st of April, commonly known as “April Fools”.  Be assured that we never wanted to fool anybody at that time!  

We were able to reach that era that spanned around 20 years in Salesian Philippine history, when April 1st was the day of First Professions, Renewal of Vows and the granting of Obediences (assignments to which Don Bosco institution the Provincial Superior sends you).  They say that years before our time, those who expect to be moved to another Salesian presence packed their things that day, received their Obedience from the Provincial, and immediately board the car that would transport them to their new Salesian apostolate.  No dialogue.  No compromise.  Just go!  Externally, it looked so radical.  It looked so… religious!

April 1st was a good date to start and undergo transitions.  Being newly assigned to a Salesian school or institution, it was a good way to start becoming familiar with the place, the people, the specific apostolate to be done, the subjects to teach, the people involved, the system used.  A good 2-month-summer vacation was a good way to adjust before the new school year starts.  In a way, I saw April 1st as a wise start to be… SALESIAN.  

And even if it is popularly known as “April Fools’ Day”, I would rather remember it as the day of the Canonization of St. John Bosco by Pope Pius XI in 1934.  Ah yes, of course, it was also the day when I made my First Vows!

http://www.fmails.it/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=369:80°-anniversario-della-canonizzazione-di-don-bosco&catid=8&Itemid=150

25 years. 

There was a time when we were very young Salesians when a tradition was being made among the Salesians in the Philippines — that those who would celebrate their 25 years would be gifted of a Pilgrimage to the Holy Land and Rome.  We used to talk among us, batchmates, what we would be doing once we reached our 25th and do the Pilgrimage.  We even joked the eldest ones in our batch (K, D and M) that we were willing to push the wheelchair for them!  I suppose the Pilgrimage Program has not continued (seeing the Facebook pics and status updates of those ahead of us).  So, goodbye to the wheelchair.  I was graced to have been in Rome for 3 occasions… but I am sure it would have been different had it been done with my very brothers.  But today is today.  And we only hold on to the memory of the past 25 years. 

25 years. 

If I were to look back at what has transpired through the 25 years, and see why I have become like this, why I think like this, why I still hold on to certain dreams and aspirations, and why I may still have regrets, I have a few in mind:

• I understand that it was Vatican 2.  I understand that it was not anymore the “ancient and the old”.  But I sure wished that they did not decide to forego the Gregorian Chant class for us, novices.  We were the first novices in Philippine Salesian history who did not formally study Gregorian Chant.  We still did chant our Morning and Evening Prayers (especially on Sundays and Feastdays), with the usual melodies and chord patterns.  But if we did study Gregorian Chant, it could have helped us get into the more solemn spirit of prayer, a slower pace of praying the Breviary, and even a good, consistent tone for us who were just 18 or 19 at that time.   Little did we know at that time that by the mid 90’s, Gregorian Chant CDs would spiral up in the charts among the young, even the areligious among them, precisely because these chants put them to a certain calm and sense of mystery.

• If only we were more serious in our Italian.  OK, I know, this can be very personal for me.  Yes, I do love languages.  But if we were more serious and persistent to study and learn the Italian language, it would given us an edge of AT LEAST understanding the language that shaped the Salesian Congregation and its Spirituality.  After almost 15 years in Japan, I realized that knowing another language does make something in your brain work, plus, of course, a little pat on the shoulder of self-confidence.   

• This goes also to the attitude that was already starting in the late 80’s of discarding Latin.  I was quite fortunate to have started studying Latin at 12 until I was 18 (2nd year College).  Those were the years when we heard Salesians some years ahead of us as saying, “It’s not needed anymore!”  or “Useless!  Better learn something that you can teach the young!”  Call me nerdy or what, but as the 4th or 5th group to completely study the DI NAPOLI Philosophy books in the English version (translated by some of those ahead of us), I still found the Latin textbook clear and precise.  When some translations left me scratching my head and formed ridges between my eyebrows, I would stand from my desk, go to the back of the study hall, get the DI NAPOLI volume of the subject I was studying, see the questionable paragraph in Latin, and then, it was like a flash of light in front of my eyes!  Latin was not useless after all.  It just made things clearer!  And if only we studied it better, perhaps, I could even be more logical now!  

• If only we had superiors who really FORMed us.  Don’t get me wrong.  All through the 17 years of formation to the priesthood (inclusive of the last 10 years as a young Salesian), I always praise God for exemplary Superiors, though, admittedly, not all.  There is the ever patient and listening Fr. G. (my high school teacher, principal and, later on, my Confessor in my Theology years), the understanding Fr. D., the holy Fr. A., the wisdom-filled Fr. A., the strict and musically-energized Fr. D., my brother Bro. J., the music of Bro. R., the humble Bro. E., the encouraging Bro. B., the strict brother assistant Bro. A., the guide to a deeper self-esteem and lyrical Bro. M., the friendship and openness of Bro. H., the love for the poor of Fr. M.    And the rest?  To them, I am very, very grateful!!!  BUT… I was just wondering, what the Provincial Council at that time thought in sending to formation houses those who showed us pessimism and grumbling against superiors, laziness in prayer life, mediocrity in religious life observance, tactless humor and plainly degrading machismo?  

• If only those who were ahead of us showed more good example.  As a young Salesian, we always looked up to those who were ahead of us, especially those 7 or more years senior.  From words, to jokes, to topics and interests, looking back, I realize that Don Bosco did have a very REAL intention when he despised bad talk among the boys of the Salesian Oratory.  If only I was corrected, admonished or even scolded more for my vulgarity at that time.  If only we were taught more good manners rather than just say, “Be yourself.”  If only real brotherhood and trust was deeper than just laughing at the dinner table.  If only there was no fear in me to correct an elder Salesian for the bad talk he does against some superiors even if I knew he could personally get back at me with grades or words.  I will never forget my rector Fr. R: If ever I would be late for meals after assisting the young and he had just finished his meal, he would get a coke from the fridge and sit down with me at the table and give me company.  That was classic!  That made me realize my being Salesian is not just “being me”, but being brothers under the banner of Don Bosco!

• If only there was more external witnessing through decorum and personal possessions, rather than just blurting out, “The habit does not make a religious!” saying.  As educators, we are supposed to show to the young even the proper way of dressing and becoming.  No wonder our very old Salesians had the best way to show to us how to conduct ourselves in decorum: the cassock, the roman collar!   That was the best attire they had to show how Preventive System could work.  They did not need to look like the other men.  They did not need to look like the young they serve.  They only needed to be and show who they were.  And that was evangelizing enough.  

• If only there were less and less of gossip and more and more of encouragement…  If only there were less and less of distrust and more and more of faith… If only there were less and less of false masculinity and more and more of propriety… If only there were less and less of weakness and more and more of spirituality….  If only we had less and less of laughter for the mediocre and more and more praise for the faithful....

And now, as I write this, I miss my batch mates.  I wonder where they are now, what they are doing, what are their thoughts, their words, their prayers.  I wonder if they still cherish April 1, 1990, even if, of the 15 who professed that day, only 4 Salesians are left.  I offer to God my sincere prayers for these 4.  And as for the others, let them be reminded that one of them is here in Japan, alone in the parish rectory, remembering them, and saying an Ave Maria for each of them. 

25 years. 

Regrets?  For making my First Vows as a Salesian… NONE!  For continuing on to the priesthood as a Salesian… NONE!  For deciding to come to Japan as a Salesian… for later on deciding to be incardinated into the diocese…  let’s just say, I am ready for another chapter, a new start, a reawakening.  

Oh yes… I was one of those who never really intended to make April 1 just a joke.  

CHRIST THE KING

Pope Pius XI

The SOLEMNITY OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, KING OF THE UNIVERSE, started as “The Feast of Christ the King” in 1925.  It was instituted by Pope Pius XI and was celebrated on the last Sunday of October (logically celebrated on the Sunday before the Church celebrated All Saints’ Day on November 1st).  

And the reason of Pope Pius XI for instituting the Feast?  The world was high with NATIONALISM and SECULARISM.  Nations were high with their race and nationality.  They had leaders who lifted their spirits, opened their minds with strong nationalist influence, and burned their hearts even with hatred for others.  It was love for one’s country despite obvious problems of morality.  It was nationalism defaced by sin.  Add to that, the growing Secularism that made people lose their belief, trust and sense of God… a growing distortion of self-confidence, fading sense of religion, and an intoxicating spell of materialism.   Personally, I am sure Nationalism and Secularism were factors that drove the world to its 2nd World War.  

Rise of Nationalism in Russia

CHRIST THE KING was meant to shift the focus of the ordinary Catholic from the Nationalist and Secularist trend of those days… that JESUS is far superior than any leader, that JESUS is far better than any ideology, that JESUS has authority over the world and each one of us.  This is CHRIST THE KING.  And when we celebrate this Solemnity every last Sunday in Ordinary Time (or the Sunday before Advent begins), we are once again asked to make a CHOICE.  

I remember when the President of the Philippines came to Japan.  There was a date set aside to meet the Filipinos.  Months before this event, the Embassy sent invitations to the different Filipino communities.  (Filipinos like to form groups: geographical groups, language groups, civic groups, church groups… add to that the feuds, gossips and competition happening within and among the groups!  But I digress.)   For security reasons, those who wanted to meet the President had to register beforehand.  Since the date was set, some of them also had to file a leave from work that day.  


The day came.  They were early at the venue.  They were dressed in Filipino attire, business suits, pantsuits… They were asked to put off their cellphones or put in manner mode.  The President arrived.  Loud cheers.  Attentive eyes and ears on the usual self-promoting-pat-my-own-back achievement speech.  The event ended with lots of them taking selfies and pictures… with, of course, the President at the background on top of the stage having his own picture taken with a selected few.  

I feel bad about it.  Even today. 

Here was a majority-Catholic crowd setting a leave from work just to meet the President, when they cannot even consistently go to church on Sundays (or Saturday evenings) because of work.  

They were early at the venue, yet, they think it is normal to be late for the Holy Mass. 

They were dressed so well in their suits and best attire, yet, they don’t mind going to Mass with their casual or sexy clothes. 

Their cellphones were quiet when the President was speaking, yet, in the Holy Mass, a cellphone rings.  Some even stand up, get out of the church, answer the call or send a text back. 

They were attentive to the President’s words, yet, they don’t mind being noisy inside the House of God. 

They posed well for pictures with the President at the background, yet, they make wacky or sexy, profile, flatter-the-curves poses in front of the Blessed Sacrament in church. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I do not have any intention to put down anyone.  (I have not mentioned any particular group here.)  I just want to make a point:

The majority was not even able to approach the President and say, “Uy, kumusta na! Ba’t hindi ka sumasagot sa mga tawag ko?!”   But we can actually say the same thing to Jesus.

The President didn’t even tell any ordinary Filipino that day, “Oh, kumusta ka na?  Ang nanay mo, kumusta na?  Mukhang pagod ka ha,” as if that Filipino was known personally by the President.  But Jesus can actually tell that to anyone in his / her heart. 

After the event, the Filipinos who were excited to attend, were joyful to participate and ecstatic at the end left the venue still remaining the usual ANONYMOUS Filipino to the President.  That will never happen with Jesus.  He is God.  He knows us by name.  We are carved in the palm of His Hand.  

It really makes us think… WHO really is important for us?  A leader who gets changed every six years?… or JESUS?

Giant Statue of CHRIST THE KING (Swiebodzin, Poland)

When one is faced with a choice between a human President (whose thoughts, words and actions are willing to go against what God has designed in nature) and Christ the King (the ever loving, gentle, forgiving and just King of kings), one does obviously know the answer.

And yet, we still fail.  

HAPPY PRIEST, UNHAPPY PRIEST

It’s Holy Thursday.  Some people are still in the church before the Altar of Repose.  I have spent quite a good amount of time before the Blessed Sacrament and thoughts just come one after another in my mind... thoughts that all go back to one thing:  the Priesthood. 

I am happy as a priest.  Count me as one of those who agree that, really, the PRIESTHOOD is one great pool of happiness!  (http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevedenning/2011/09/12/the-ten-happiest-jobs/)   I have dreamt of becoming a priest from the age of 9.  I was graced to have that dream come true on December 8, 1999.  I still do believe, feel and affirm in my heart that AS A PRIEST, yes, I am happy. 

But yes, it is not the happiness that the world usually interprets as “happiness”.  It is not yet, though, the happiness that can only be felt in Heaven.  Although, I can say, “It’s close!”  It is a happiness that is mysteriously there but will always be quiet in front of worldly affairs.  It is a happiness that is restless, because no other worldly attraction satisfies it.  It is a happiness that is, indeed, a gift, a grace, and a challenge.  

Were there times when I, as a priest, felt sad, lonely and even hopeless?  Oh... lots of times!  And on this day, Holy Thursday, the day we commemorate Jesus establishing the Priesthood, I once again face myself and ask, “When were those times when I was not happy?”  And the answers were these:

1) I was not happy when I wanted to stand out.  As a priest, it is easy to stand out.  You become an instant celebrity.  People look at you.  People look up to you.  People regard you as a pandora’s box of talents.  And so I showed what I can do.  I gave what I can give.  I danced.  I sang.  I opened up every nook and corner of whatever speck of talent or ability that was taught, developed or even experimented upon in my seminary years and thereafter.  You walk into a room and someone will shout your name after that “Father!”  Ah... the delight of being known in the midst of a crowd!... and that person’s not even a relative!  But let me be honest:  I do not really stand out when I realize there are experts before me.  They are the real ones.  I was a master-of-none.  

2) I was not happy when I craved for some special attention from specific people.  Call it whatever you like.  Interpret it in any way you like.  A best friend, a close friend, a friend-friend!  A parishioner, a student, a child.  An admirer, a messenger, a fan.  The world will call us “lonely”.  A lot of people sigh that it is such a waste we are alone.  And as human beings, there are times when we look for acceptance, friendship and attention a level higher than ordinary acquaintance, a level deeper than ordinary colleagues.  But let me be honest:  when I catch myself craving for the extra attention or that special acceptance, I realize that there is one important person whom I have ignored all along --  JESUS CHRIST. 

3) I was not happy when I longed for more things.   People love to gift priests.  They know in their hearts that giving us priests this thing or that, they, in some way, fulfill what Jesus, Himself, said,  “And whoever gives only a cup of cold water to one of these little ones to drink because he is a disciple—amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward.” (Matthew 10:42)   Priests get financial assistance in the form of salary or allowance, too.  And since a lot of people give cash, goods and food to priests, they end up using the money they have for other things... things that surely do not really fit into the category of what we call “simple”, both in the eyes of the world and in the eyes of Gospel.    There wasn’t a few times when I was looking and craving to buy at the electronic store -- a new camera, the latest smartphone, the best laptop, a unique gadget.  I scanned and scanned through new clothes, shoes, caps and bags.  But let me be honest:  the more I come to have something, the more I craved for something new.  And the more I craved for more, the more I felt sad at one thing -- the reality of dissatisfaction.

4) I was not happy when my creativity was beyond the bounds of priesthood.  God has gifted me with words.  I can be creative with this gift.  God has given me other gifts.  I can be creative with them, too.  But let me be honest:  when I use my creativity outside church apostolate, when I use my creativity to spite, insult or put people down, when I use my creativity to make others selfish, materialistic or vain, I feel being thrown into a great void.  I have this great, nauseating feeling that I have wasted something.  It sometimes make me vomit just thinking I have thrown away something more valuable than losing a million pesos.  Who in the world becomes happy with that feeling?  

5) I was not happy when I got satisfied with the thought, “I am just the same as the rest.”  Oh yes, be with the people.  Or, as Pope Francis would say, have the “same smell as the sheep.”  I actually thought I had to be like the sheep.  I actually though I had to be, talk, move, dress up like the sheep.  I had “to blend” with the rest.  Let the people realize that goodness exists among them.  Eat what they eat.  Drink what they drink. Dance even wilder than any of them.  But let me be honest:  I realized that my line of thought was actually the thought of the Laity.  I forgot that I am of the Ordained.  

6) I was not happy when I did not pray.  This is obvious.  We have always been taught that the priest is an “Alter Christus” (another Christ).  A priest who does not communicate with the One he stands for will never be a true priest.  A priest who forgets that his prayer is never just a personal one, but that he must pray first the prayer of the Church, for the Church, will never grow and bear fruit.  But let me be honest:  l always struggle to pray.  And when I do not pray, I get more uneasy.  And when I get more uneasy, I look for other consolations the world can offer, consolations that I have conditioned myself to have.  And when I succumb to these worldly consolations, I get so thirsty in my heart... and I long for God.  Isn’t prayer that longing for God?  Yet, I find myself not praying...

... and the battle goes on.  

                                                                                         (photo courtesy of Ted Barrera)

To you who read this, please pray for this unworthy priest.  

Of Cassocks and Clericals

It was one of those hot and humid rainy days in 1991.  I was with another seminarian.  From our seminary in Canlubang, we went to Makati for an errand and another one in Mandaluyong.  Since we were near the Makati-Mandaluyong Bridge anyway, we crossed the bridge walking to the other side.  Ah yes, that day, I was wearing my white cassock in hot Metro Manila. 

That was 1991, in my 2nd year as a professed Salesian religious, still savoring the joy and enthusiasm of finally coming to offer myself to God.  I was in the early stages of finally wearing that SIGN that made me different from other men my age.  It was a SIGN.  And the more I take care of this SIGN, the more I got conscious of the fact that I have “left the world”, am not anymore “part of the world” and that my state of life was a “foretaste of Heaven.”

What made my day memorable was not because I crossed the Makati-Mandaluyong Bridge in a white cassock, but because of what an elder priest told me some days later in the seminary:  he scolded me for wearing the cassock that day.  That was what I remember more.  What reinforced the memory was that I became the laughing stock of my co-seminarians. 

I remembering seeing those priests in Don Bosco when I was still a pre-schooler.  The mere remembrance of those priests in cassocks gave me a feeling of being “with God”, of being safe and secure, that I was in good company.  

I remembering seeing my own brother wear that white cassock for the first time way back in 1979.  From that time on, I also felt very strongly that he was not anymore a man of this world, but a man of God.   When my brother would come home for vacations, I would look with awe at that long piece of white cloth hanging behind the door.  He would bring this cassock with him when he’d go to the parish church for daily mass.  At other places, he would be wearing this cream or blue polo shirt (a clerical) whose collar is especially tailored to tuck in a “collarino”, the small version of the Roman Collar.  

I remembering seeing all these young men starting to wear their cassocks at the age of 18 or 19 and put on the Roman Collar when they had to go to classes, travel, or any other activity that was outside the Liturgy.  The other groups that followed my brother all had the same aura of those years.  When you see them wear those cassocks and clericals in the first years of their vows as young Salesian religious, there was only one thing that fired up in my heart:  my time will come, too!

Investiture Ceremony, Don Bosco Canlubang, 1990

And it did.  The Investiture Ceremony of April 8, 1990 was a very touching moment. This cassock that was now being vested on me was to be the definite SIGN of my commitment to God.  I cried with joy when it was put on my shoulders.  I cried more when I went to sacristy with my parents as the rest of the buttons were put on.  That day, the world came to know I have decided to be for God alone, and its SIGN was the cassock.  

It was unfortunate that by the time we started wearing the cassock and the clerical, it was already the 90’s in the Philippines.  The men whom we looked up to, who bravely and proudly wore their cassocks or clericals in their younger years, were now the ones going around in their t-shirts, ordinary polo and jeans. The clericals we wore were getting into a new “way of wearing” it:  unbutton the collar and let that white collarino hang from the left or right slit. It would just take a few years when some of us would start wearing the clerical instead of the cassock during Holy Mass and ordinary polo shirts or t-shirts instead of the clerical.   It was in my generation when the clerical became the shirt for formal occasions, or the usual class uniform for Theology.  The collar... well, they would come in handy for photo sessions. 

Uniqlo lahat yan!

The "Hide-the-Roman-Collar" way

I started wearing ordinary polo shirts and t-shirts even from the time I was still a seminarian.  I still wore the cassock for masses.  The clerical, I only wore them during classes and for serious occasions.  At other times, “Bosconian-be-proud” t-shirts, branded t-shirts gifted to me, polos of good taste....  During vacations, I even stopped bringing the cassock home.  The clerical was more convenient... you slip that white collar in for mass, and then do the hide-the-collar-within-the-slit after mass.  Convenience:  that was the word of the time!  Then, often, the good clothes I received as gifts were better.  I felt more free.  I did not need to be stared upon.  It was just so easy to “blend” into society. 

My first 10 years in Japan brought me a good “repertoire” of clothes I chose and bought.  I consider myself lucky for having a noisy family who critiqued my choice of colors and coordination during my childhood.  I was proud to be able to dress up in good taste.  I knew I was not “baduy”.  

Before watching SUMO

But being in Japan also made me think.  This is a country that is proud of uniforms.  The school uniform is considered formal attire and kids can wear them even during funerals and weddings.  Companies who don’t have uniforms have badges that they proudly wear on their business suits.  Buddhist priests go around in their black kimonos.  Policemen-on-break wear dark blue jackets over their uniforms just to show they are “off-duty”.  Walk around the hospital and you know who is a doctor, a nurse or the office clerk.  Why, even the traffic coordinator in construction areas wear that familiar blue overall, luminous vest and that helmet that makes you produce liters of sweat in mid-summer!  It made me think...  I, a priest... and the whole world does not know.  I, a man of God... and the whole world does not know.  

And so, after 10 years of priesthood, I decided to go back to the cassock and the clerical.  It took quite a time before I could do this again.  I had to ask people -- who mostly said they’d prefer me wearing what a priest should actually and always wear.  I had to consider my budget -- which, by God’s grace has always been stable.  I had to sort of like dig into my heart, search for those feelings of awe, admiration and joy that I had when I was a pre-schooler and as a young seminarian.  

It was actually funny to think that it took me some time to finally resolve to go back to the cassock and the clerical.  It’s funny because I did not need to think of the obvious!!!

So, what were the factors that led me to wear the cassock and the roman collar again?

1. My Franciscan Conventual classmate in theology was assigned temporarily in Okinawa.  By the time he was asked to go to their church in Tokyo, I invited him for dinner in downtown Shinjuku.  We agreed to meet at the most crowded station in the world, Shinjuku Station.  And there he was, walking in the middle of a sea of passengers going through the exit... in his Franciscan Conventual gray habit!  And I?  In  my Uniqlo attire -- from jacket to socks!  Honestly, I felt ashamed.  I thought this guy was brave enough to go through a crowded station of a non-Catholic Japan in his religious habit.  For him, he said he was just doing the obvious. 

2. If you see a Buddhist priest standing and praying with a begging bowl in front of train stations, chances are they are not real Buddhist priests.  They are fake.  They just stand there to collect money for their daily living sans proper work.  Yet, they are dressed to the detail.  I was moved to think that if people who are not really so can dress up well as if they are the real thing, what about a real priest dressing up as a real priest!

3. I noticed that a seminarian is so proud to wear his cassock (or religious habit) in the first years.  Then, after some years, content himself with ordinary, casual clothes as he grows older and older.  Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? That one’s deepening of religious life can be seen even in one’s externals?  And so, I’d rather be  a good example to these young seminarians.  

4. I also thought the cassock and the clerical are all part of the past.  Or that it was the way people dressed before.  But if we have to stick to that “evolving” mentality, then, the cassock has become the SIGN of one’s detachment from the world.  It shows one is not carried away by the flow of fashion and personal taste.  It is a great prevention from the temptation of vanity and a good assurance of one’s poverty (since you always wear them, wash-and-wear style). 

5. I do not go with the thought that not wearing the cassock or the habit makes you be a “part of the world” or that you can easily “blend” into society.  I also do not go with the idea that wearing the cassock or the habit is not a good sign especially among poor people because they cost a lot.  Well, for what I know, Mother Teresa was concretely part of society.  She was with the poorest of the poor.  

at a park for a Pastoral
Area celebration

6.  A parishioner in the parish where I am now had not been going consistently to church for many years.  She had mixed feelings.  She said she was so busy with work.  But at the same time, she also felt that the priest at that time was not as visible.  When she accidentally came to church on the first anticipated mass that I celebrated after my transfer here... and saw me wearing the cassock... she immediately told herself that things in the parish will definitely be better.  (Well, that’s quite a nice encouragement for me.)  She was able to trust more because she saw this visible SIGN being worn by the priest.  I take this mother as a representative of the many who have already affirmed me for wearing again the cassock or the collar, as well as their own wish that all priests do the same.  

With my Canossa
elementary batchmates 

7.  And factor number 7 is this:  I just need to be who I really am, a priest.  It is not just the heart.  It is not just the mentality.  It is not just the way of living.  It is not just in the way I fulfill my priestly ministry.  If I have to be a priest, I have to be a priest 100%... and that includes what others see, the externals, the tangible.  Sometimes, it really is uncomfortable, especially when it’s hot and humid.  But I did not become a priest to be comfortable anyway.  Here is a ready-made-cross for all occasions and weather conditions!  Here is a handy reminder to my very self of what I am really called for.  

Dear young seminarian, be always happy and grateful to God for the gift of your vocation and commitment shown through your cassock or your clerical.  Yes, be always grateful.  Never content yourself on the comforts of what ordinary, casual clothes can give you.  Never desire to be “invisible” in this world.  You chose to walk that path to the priesthood, a path that has never taken any “undercover” role in the world of evangelization.  (Leave that  to the lay!)  Take care of that cassock.  Respect it and don’t let it just hang around as some piece of rag.  Take care of your collar.  That collar is meant to be shown, not hidden or tucked in.  Let your cassock and clerical be your instant instrument of evangelization.  Let them also be your instant shield from temptations.  Let them be instant reminders to you and to others that God is just among us... yes, just here among us!